kidgokuu-

• dad: you're up early
• me:
• dad: you never went to sleep did you

nahshaw:

i think the most beautiful sound is when you can hear the shower running at early in the morning because that means someone in the house is probably going to leave soon and that’s one less motherfucker to share oxygen with 

(via almasworld)

graystripe:

once in the 4th grade this guy got a 2% on his math quiz so everyone called him milk for the rest of the year 

(Source: tybult, via almasworld)

kiodi:

my last word will probably be either “whoops” or “shit”

(via teddy-russovelt)

iguanamouth:

iguanamouth:

w hat do snakes use for protection

ANACONDOMS!!!!!

(via teddy-russovelt)

steadymobbing:

steadymobbing:

i asked my mom how she met my dad and she said at a college basketball game this guy got distracted and got hit by the ball and got a huge bloody nose and he came up to her after the game and said “i was distracted by you” with like blood all over his face and jersey

so i asked my dad and he said “my friend told me he’d give me 10 bucks if i asked a girl out with my broken nose and she said yes”

(via teddy-russovelt)